Building a successful remarriage after a divorce is something that a lot of people struggle with. People believe that second and third marriages are more likely to end in divorces.
Whether it is because of challenges like financial stress, children from previous marriages, or due to rebound relationships.
More often than not, remarrying after divorce doesn't work; however, it doesn't mean that all remarriages do not work, some do but with a lot of work. And with the help from Couples Counseling Therapy RYENY, you can make your remarriage work.
Remarriage is on the rise, and most of the people are on their second husband and beyond. And with the average person going through their first divorce by the age of 30, it gives them plenty of time to meet a new partner. Even if you've been through a divorce, you can find love again, and happy second marriages are possible. However, it just takes time to grow and to find the right partner.
Why Remarriages Are Challenging?
Remarriage After Divorce and The Re-Emergence of Trauma Response- It is common to see even after remarriage; however, the level of distrust is different for different partners. Some people, when they're outside of their comfort zone, whether it is emotionally, physically, or psychologically enters a hyper-arousal state where they become obviously anxious, hyperactive, and overly talkative. And in some cases, this leads to aggression and impulsive in their behavior towards their partner.
They May Become Disconnected- While some enter into a hyper-arousal state, some people become completely opposite by becoming completely disconnected from the body and their emotional state mentally. Many people often go through this. They drive back home from work or do some chores without being able to recall how they got from work and how they even completed the task. This emotionally disconnected feeling is often called "checked-out". As for people who have traumatic events in their life it can be more severe and frequent.
Remarriage After Divorce Presents Stressful Situations That Can Elicit Old Trauma- Award-winning social-psychologist states that remarriage after divorce can present stressful situations through elicit old trauma. It is said that a relationship lost due to divorce or disillusionment is one of the top 15 types of traumatic losses a person can suffer in their lifetime. It is obvious that stress provoked during a divorce or at the end of a long-term relationship should not be taken lightly and should be well taken care of.
Remarriage After Divorce Requires Constant Vigilance- For those who have gone through a divorce, there is a pretty high chance that your guards are up, and for good reasons. It is usually happening because your heart has been hurt terribly, and your brain is armed and ready to protect it from getting hurt again. One way your brain does this is by staying active to detect any form of potential risks from a recurring betrayal, lie, and others.
Know and Learn Each Other’s Trigger- No matter how bad you feel, it is pretty normal, as you're entering into a new relationship, and your heart has felt the pain before. It is natural that you are skeptical about your new partner. So if both you and your partner have experienced traumatic events in your life including failed marriages and long-term committed relationships you should understand what your triggers are, it could be anything from bad memories, an old t-shirt, or pictures. The best way to deal with triggers is to notice what is happening to your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensation.
To make a remarriage work after divorce can be challenging and complex, but it is not impossible. Start by realizing what your triggers are, learn how to work through them, and accept your partner's influence but, if you are not able to do it alone, take help from Couples Counseling RYE NY.
